I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
