I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
