i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
