Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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