dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
