So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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