FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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