I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
