hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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