They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
