She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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