she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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