Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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