if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
