I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
