if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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