I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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