just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
