I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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