i think my mom watched the whole time
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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