I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
