I must be too annoying 4 u.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize