So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
