Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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