Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's the barista slut.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
