Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
