home. puking in laundry basket.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
