im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
