He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
