she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
