so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
