She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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