Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
