Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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