I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
