Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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