it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
