Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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