it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
