I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
