it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
