swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize