you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
