Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
