You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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