dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
