Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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