Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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