Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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