Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
