yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
