so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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