Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she told me i tasted like america
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
