Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
