Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
