I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
