I think I am morally bankrupt
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
