You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You've changed since you got that strap on
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
