i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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