Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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