Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
