Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
