i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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