Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
