You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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