My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
