You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
