the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
