i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
