i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
