Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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