So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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