I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
