Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's just like the Real World with babies
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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